The circle is where the real work happens — but ninety minutes a week leaves a lot of hours to fill. This page is for the rest of them.
This isn’t everything ever written about ethical non-monogamy. It’s a short list of the things we’ve actually read, actually used, and would actually hand to a friend. Each one comes with a note on who it’s for, so you can skip straight to what you need.
No signup required. Read, bookmark, come back whenever.
Jessica Fern
If you read one book, read this one. Fern connects attachment styles to non-monogamy in a way that explains why jealousy and insecurity show up — and what secure functioning actually looks like when there’s more than one relationship in the picture. This is the book most of our circle conversations end up circling back to.
Tristan Taormino
The practical field guide. Taormino walks through the actual structures — open relationships, polyamory, swinging, and everything between — with real interviews and zero judgment about which one fits you. Best for people still figuring out what shape they’re even looking for.
Janet W. Hardy & Dossie Easton
The classic that named the territory, now in its third edition. Some of it reads dated, and that’s part of its value — it’s the foundation most of the modern writing is built on. Read it for the mindset more than the mechanics.
Eve Rickert & Andrea Zanin
A thorough, ethics-first guide to polyamory. Get the 2024 second edition specifically — it’s a substantial rewrite of the original, and it’s the version we recommend.
Jessica Fern with David Cooley
The follow-up to Polysecure, written for couples who opened up and then hit the hard part. If you and a partner are renegotiating what your relationship is becoming, this is the one.
Kathy Labriola
Not a book you read — a book you do. Exercises and techniques for working with jealousy directly, from a counselor who’s spent decades on exactly this. Pairs well with week three of the circle, and with being a human who feels things.
Jase Lindgren, Dedeker Winston & Emily Sotelo Matlack
Communication tools you can put to work the same day — structured check-ins, repair conversations, agreement design. Useful even if you’re monogamous, honestly.
The long-running standard. Research-backed, practical, and genuinely funny. Their back catalog is deep enough that whatever you’re going through, there’s an episode on it. Start with the episodes on their RADAR check-in format.
Libby Sinback
Shorter, focused episodes on the real problems: jealousy, opening up, agreements falling apart, telling people in your life. Good for the car.
A national nonprofit doing advocacy and education for non-monogamous people. Their resources library is solid, and they run free peer support circles online if you want more connection between sessions.
Reddit is what it is — but these communities are large, active, and anonymous, which matters when you’re not out. Good for 3am “is this normal?” questions. Take individual advice with salt; the aggregate wisdom is real.
The circle is peer support — men who’ve lived this, holding space for each other. It’s not therapy, and some seasons of life call for a professional. There’s no failure in that; it’s just a different tool. If you’re looking for a therapist who won’t treat non-monogamy as the problem to be fixed:
psychologytoday.com › open relationships & non-monogamy
The largest directory, with a dedicated filter for therapists who work with open relationships and non-monogamy. Filter by state and insurance.
A directory built around affirming care — every listed therapist has opted in to working with non-monogamous clients.
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. Certified sex therapists, most of whom are familiar with ENM.
If you need support right now: call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). Seriously — the circle will be there next week; take care of yourself first.
Tell us at the next circle, or email chris.tritz@elevatedfrequency.co. This page grows the same way the circle does — one honest recommendation at a time.